Dear Apelord,

Why do bad things happen to good people?

Jonathan Thompson

Apelord Responds:

My friend, this question has plagued theologians and scholars of spirituality since humanity's first attempts to comprehend existence. Sadly, there is no answer. Not even I, Apelord, alien psychic astrologer, holder of the seven orbs of Trandiak, and spiritual counsellor on seven different worlds, can satisfy this most difficult query.

Some feel that it is simply a mystery, unapprehensible by the common mind. Others feel that the universe is simply random; fairness is not a concept of meaning outside the parameters people create for it. Still others believe that even good people have done something in their past that deserves a little cosmic retaliation.

I cannot offer a solution to the dilemma, except to say this: whenever something bad happens to Apelord, it's always someone else's fault (Prangor the Fraudulent, for example). Perhaps placing the blame on others ("passing the buck," it is often called) is not always the most honest way to deal with the apparent unfairness of the universe, but it is often strangely satisfying. Try not to pin the blame on a particular race or religious group, however. That's pathetic. I recommend you blame telephone psychics: if they do have the powers they claim, they're probably up to no good.

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